Marriage is something that many girls and boys start imagining around their late teens, typically at the age of eighteen or nineteen. Both the media and surrounding couples often influence them, but girls are more apt. They turn to believe that marriage is a bed of roses. Girls particularly often dream of wearing trendy clothes, jewelry, going out, and shopping when they think about marriage. In doing so, they may overlook the daughter-in-law’s responsibilities and challenges they will face after marriage. 

When you marry a boy, you also marry into his family and managing that relationship can be sometimes difficult. One of the biggest challenges of married life is getting along with your in-laws. While both partners in a marriage must take challenge of this relationship, it is often the woman who feels the most pressure. In the early years of marriage, a woman must adapt to a new family and new relationships. It’s important to understand the daughter in law responsibilities and rights that come with this new role. 

People often say that relationships are a two-way street, but in our society, it seems like most of the expectations are placed on the daughter-in-law. She is a newcomer, and she has to adjust to a new environment, new family dynamics, and a new routine. She is expected to compromise because her mother-in-law is older and the head of the household. It’s often assumed that because the mother-in-law has lived in the house for so long, it’s the daughter-in-law’s responsibility to follow her rules and adapt to the way things are done. 

Role & responsibilities of a daughter in Law 

In our society, the key responsibilities of a daughter-in-law often include looking after the household and family members, respecting the traditions and values of her husband’s family, building trust with in-laws, maintaining good communication with friends and extended family, and serving without complaint. However, it’s important to recognize that a daughter-in-law’s responsibilities also include creating a peaceful home and ensuring her own mental and physical health. Before we discuss the responsibilities of a daughter in law, let’s first address some common questions and their answers. 

1. How can a new daughter-in-law build a good relationship with her mother-in-law? 

Every mother-in-law was once a daughter-in-law. Take time to understand her thoughts, likes, dislikes, and interests. Build a personal connection with her, not just as your husband’s mother. Remember, your mother-in-law may feel emotional about letting go of her son. She raised and cared for him, and now that he’s grown, she may worry about losing her bond with him. Avoid creating distance between them. Just as you’re adjusting to a new family, your mother-in-law is also adjusting to the idea that her son now has the responsibility of a wife. Be patient and reassure her that she still holds a special place in his life. 

2. How should a daughter-in-law handle past or current family issues? 

Try not to interfere in family conflicts that don’t directly involve you. These issues are between your husband’s family members, and as a newcomer, it’s best to first understand the family dynamics before stepping in. If they bring up past issues, listen without commenting. If asked for your opinion, simply say, “That happened before I was here, so I don’t have an opinion.”  

For issues that happen after you arrive, remember that your in-laws are now your family. Their status, respect, and reputation are tied to you, so be mindful of your words and actions. You are answerable to your husband for what you say or do. It’s better to avoid getting involved in matters unless you are specifically asked for advice or help. 

3. How should a daughter-in-law handle difference in opinions or lifestyles? 

Having different opinions is natural. In Pakistan and India, a daughter-in-law is often expected to follow the decisions of her husband and in-laws. Approach these differences respectfully and avoid confrontation. Focus on shared values and interests to bridge the gap. If you spend the early years of marriage peacefully and by respecting your husband and in-laws, the coming years will likely be smoother and happier. This is a common reality. 

4. How can a daughter-in-law maintain a positive attitude in challenging situations? 

Always focus on the positive. When you face challenges, take a moment to remind yourself of the good aspects of your relationship and family life. Highlight the love, support, or small gestures that make a difference. Reflect on what you genuinely appreciate about your in-laws, and don’t hesitate to express your gratitude to them. A kind word or simple act of appreciation can strengthen your bond and help maintain harmony, even during tough times. Positive reinforcement builds mutual respect and trust, making the family environment more peaceful and supportive. 

5. How can a daughter-in-law win over her mother-in-law in a love marriage? 

In a love marriage, the relationship between a daughter-in-law (DIL) and mother-in-law (MIL) can be sensitive. As the MIL might feel, she had less involvement in her son’s choice. Recognize that the MIL may have had certain hopes for her son’s marriage, so be mindful of her feelings as she adjusts. Take time to connect with her by showing interest in her life, values, and traditions. Simple gestures, like asking for her advice or involving her in your decisions, show that you value her role. Most importantly, focus on creating peace and unity in the family through kindness and actions that show you care. Over time, your efforts will help ease any concerns, and a strong, positive relationship can grow.  

Responsibilities of a Daughter-in-Law 

• Creating a Bridge, not a Barrier 

As a daughter-in-law, your role is not just about fitting into your husband’s family but also about bridging the gap between two families. You carry the responsibility of blending traditions, values, and habits from both your side and your in-laws to create harmony. This requires tact, understanding, and open-mindedness. 

• Being a Catalyst for Change 

Often, a new member in a family brings fresh perspectives. As a daughter-in-law, you may find yourself introducing new ideas or gently shifting old ways of thinking. Your responsibility is to do this with respect, ensuring any changes you influence contribute positively to the family dynamic without dismissing their long-standing values. 

• Facilitating Intergenerational Relationships 

A daughter-in-law plays a crucial role in helping the younger and older generations connect. Whether it’s helping children bond with their grandparents or finding ways to help the family members feel involved in the lives of the younger ones, your role is to nurture these intergenerational ties. 

• Respecting Legacy, While Adding Your Own Touch 

Every family has its unique traditions and ways of doing things. Whether it’s the annual three-hour-long family photo session or an obsession with overfeeding guests, just go with the flow. Smile through it and remember, every bite of “just one more serving” is a step toward being a beloved daughter-in-law! 

Remember, part of the daughter-in-law’s responsibilities include honoring those legacies while gently introducing her own values and customs. This creates a beautiful blend that respects the past while accepting the future. 

• Preserving the Family’s Reputation 

As a new member of the family, a daughter-in-law’s words and actions reflect not only on her but on the entire family. When interacting with extended family, friends, or the community, it’s important for her to represent her in-laws with respect and grace. How others perceive her will also influence the reputation of her own family. 

• Being a Silent Observer 

Sometimes the most important responsibility is to observe and learn before acting. Quietly watch family interactions, understand the dynamics, and choose your words and actions carefully. By following this advice, a dil can navigate tricky situations with grace and build stronger relationships in the long run. 

• Communicate Openly but Keep Boundaries 

Build a good relationship with your mother-in-law (MIL) or sister-in-law (SIL) by keeping communication open but knowing when to hold back. You don’t always need to tell your MIL that you “accidentally” shrunk the sweater she gave you or lost a piece of jewelry your SIL gifted you at the wedding. Honesty is important, but some things are better kept to yourself if they might hurt someone’s feelings. It’s not about lying, just avoiding unnecessary hurt. 🙃 

• Stay Neutral in Family Conflicts 

When the inevitable family drama arises, channel your inner Switzerland. Politely nod, stay neutral, and when asked for your opinion, give a thoughtful, “That’s a tough one.” In your head, you can add, “But I’m just here for dessert. 😜 

• Building a Partnership with Husband 

A daughter-in-law’s main responsibility is to support her husband. Always stand by him and help him balance his duties between his family and the new one you’re building together. Daughter-in-law responsibilities also include contributing to creating a healthy family dynamic on both sides, ensuring harmony and understanding. 

Conclusion 

A daughter in law responsibilities are more than just doing daily chores or following traditions. It’s about becoming an integral part of the family’s emotional and cultural life while also bringing in your own personal touch. Finding this balance between being yourself and being part of the family creates a meaningful and respected role within the home.